It felt wrong to look at her grave. I didn know how to accept that wasn here anymore. I felt betrayed.
Maybe she felt the same way because we had promised to stay side-by-side forever. Yet here I was, alive and she wasn .
I kept telling myself again and again that she was in a better place. But I knew better. Alicia was going straight to hell.
I sighed. I felt lonely without her. Even though, there was a part of me that felt relieved. I hated myself for that.
She was there for me in my darkest times. But she was also the one to push me over the edge.
I felt confused, unsure if I should be rejoicing over her death or crying like there was tomorrow. She wouldn want me to cry, I knew that.
Alicia hated tears, or anything related to being sad or depressed. So I just stared at the pile of sand.
There were no flowers or leaves on it, as was to be expected.
I had lied to my mom, telling her that I was going over to another friends house. But she was most likely getting worried now that it was getting late.
Honestly, I didn want to go home. I just wanted to stand here until I accepted that Alicia was dead. I had to come to terms with it, I just didn know how.
She had been a good friend, but our last few weeks spent together had been weird. Alicia didn seem like herself anymore. I had tried to be there for her but she kept pushing me away.
Even her mom had mentioned that she was getting worried about Alicia. Most of the time, I had no idea where she was. She kept asking me to lie to her mom about staying over at my place.
It wasn that I had a problem with the latter, but I wouldve liked it if she had told me where she actually was.
For some time, I suspected she was doing drugs. Alicia had somewhat of a rebellious streak so it wasn unlikely.
But we had a screaming match one night. She swore she wasn doing anything bad, and I believed her because she had never lied to me before.
Now that I think about it, I wonder if she had lied to me back then too. There were so many questions in my mind. I was frustrated that my best friend didn trust me enough to share her worries with me.
Most of all, I didn understand why. We had stuck together for so long then everything changed all of a sudden. It didn make any sense.
Everything started ever since her dad left. I hated her dad more than she ever could for taking my best friend away from me.
I knew that her parents had always had trouble, but they were still a family despite it all. It wasn easy for Alicia to deal with it, but she took it all with a smile.
Even when the fights got bad, she never once cried. It was only when her dad left. The tears had started and didn end until sunrise. She had passed out from sheer exhaustion, and I had been there to comfort her.
I was patient with her, giving her time to adjust. But it was like, she never got over it. Instead, she got worse. If I knew that shed become so quiet, I wouldve never left her side.
We drifted apart without even realizing it. She was still one of my closest friends but it just wasn the same.
Alicias voice came through the phone in a rush as soon as I picked up, Aly, tell.. mom.. at your.. okay?
I frowned, and placed in a finger in my other ear in hopes to listen better, What? You
e cutting off!
There was too much noise in the background, and Alicias voice sounded so far away, ..mom.. sleeping.. The line went dead.
I stared at my phone and frowned. I got what she said but I didn know why.
Either way, I dialled her moms number. It rang for a minute before Mrs Peters picked up. Her cheery voice asked, Hello?
Hi, Mrs Peters. Just wanted to let you know that Alicia wants to stay over tonight. My voice was breathy, and I worried for a second that she knows Im lying.
But this wasn the first time I was lying to her. I did feel kind of bad about it though.
Aweh.. She sounded kind of disappointed and guilt twisted within my gut.
Well, make sure she gets home early, dearie. There was a hint of sadness in her voice but she made an effort to sound like her usual, cheery self.
Of course, I imitated her voice and cut off the line.
Why are you lying to her mom? I turned to look at my mom, feeling like a deer in headlights.
I forced my expression to remain neutral, hoping I don give anything away as I said, Im not lying. Alicia said shell be coming over in a few hours.
My mom frowned at me, Where is she?
This was the interrogation I had been dreading. Alicias mom was a lot laid-back, but mine was not.
I was thinking of some excuse when the bell rang. Both mine and moms heads snapped towards the door. I met her confused gaze across the hall and said, That must be Alicia.
Or I hoped it was. I walked over and opened the door, knowing my mom was right behind me. Surprisingly, it was Alicia. I let out a breath of relief.
Alicia gave us a small smile and said, Hey, you two.
My mom smiled back, Alicia, darling! I rolled my eyes, Myra was just telling me that you were coming over.
She was? Alicia smiled and threw me a confused glance, I glared at her in turn which pretty much gave her the idea of what was going on.
Yes, My mom gave her a sweet smile that seemed so fake I almost gagged, Where were you, by the way?
But Alicia was prepared, it seemed as she said, Oh, Ive just been helping out Mrs Davidson at the bookstore lately, She looked at her feet as if ashamed and said, I didn tell my mom because she hates her so..
Oh! My mom exclaimed, her eyebrows raised. Alicia was pretty convincing, I had to give her some credit as my mom led her into the house, Of course, of course! Thats a great thing you
e doing by the way. I wish Myra would learn a few things from you.
Mom.. I groaned. Alicia chuckled, and I grabbed her arm. Shed convinced my mom with her little lie but I knew better.
Well be in my room! I said behind me as I dragged Alicia upstairs.
I didn bother listening to whatever my mom said. As soon as we were in my room, I locked the door and turned to face my best friend.
My hands were at my side as I glared at her. She was sitting on the edge of my bed and looking at me in boredom. For some reason that made me even angrier.
Whats going on? I asked.
She frowned and said, What are you talking about?
Ive known you for the last nine years. I know when you
e lying, Alicia.
She rolled her eyes, What if I wasn lying?
I leaned against the wall beside my door, You speak a little faster than normal whenever you
e telling a lie.
She gave me a weird expression, so I deadpanned, You hate Mrs Davidson.
She plopped onto my bed like a starfish, and I sat down beside her. I was still frowning as I looked down at her.
She opened her eyes and looked at me, Im fine, Aly. I was with a friend.
You know you can tell me anything, right? I plopped next to her as well and we both stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars covering my entire roof.
She chuckled, Of course.
Then, after what seemed like a minute, she asked, What did mom say?
I shrugged, She sounded upset and wants you home in the morning.